You don't know how much I need you.
While you're near me I don't feel blue.
And when we kiss I know you need me too.
I can't believe I found a love that's so pure and true.

But it all was bullshit.
It was a goddam joke.
And when I think of you Luke,
I hope you fucking choke.

I hope you're glad with what you've done to me.
I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy.
You left me here all alone, tears running constantly.

Oh somebody kill me please,
somebody kill me plee-ase,
I'm on my knees,
pretty pretty please kill me.

I want to die.
Put a bullet in my head.






Oh Adam Sandler... your songs, they are appropriate.
Mostly the second verse.

Last night was the opening of Iron Hymen the Musical (the play I am in at the moment).

My boyfriend is in the show with me, and after the performance we decided to go get ice cream. We took the elevator down to the lobby, and on our way down decided to make out in said elevator. The doors opened to reveal Luke's parents standing right there.

We had no idea that they would be there.

And he had not mentioned me to his parents before.

Nice way to meet the parents, right?

Hilarious... and mortifying at the same time.

My voice pisses me off.

Right before a show, or vocal performance, or anytime that I actually need it... it goes away.

Why did I think this time would be any different.

I take damn good care of my voice too... I haven't smoked in months, I don't hang out with people who smoke, I drink lots of water and throat comfort tea...

and it's still gone.

I need to go see a doctor about this cause I loose my voice FAR too often.

I am just so envious of all the people who don't have to deal with this. Who can just go drink and scream and smoke and not care, and their voice is perfectly fine. Or for people who MAYBE will loose their voice once a year instead of 7 or 8 times, probably more then that even.

It really sucks and throat comfort tea tastes JANKY.

ugg.

Facebook status that I probably shouldn't post cause some people will get pissed at me:

-Sammi is Not responsible for your good time.

Some ass hit the car and left me with over $400 in damages.... which of course I have to fucking pay for.

There goes pretty much half the money I was expecting to leave LA with.

So fucking depressed right now.

And Al really isn't making this any easier. You'd think that I intentionally drove the car into a wall multiple times.

I just want to go home. I'm tired of being somewhere where I am not welcome and where every single thing I do is wrong and I get criticized constantly.

I swear to God I have done nothing to him.

I stay out of the way, I clean this fucking apartment...

Living with him makes me want to slit my wrists.

New Summer blog:

http://sclevine.blogspot.com/

This is going to be an update about everything I do in Cali. There are a few entries already cause I am a bamf.

Just wanted to use it to keep people updated with what was going on... but wanted to keep it seperate from my personal blog with all my complainy emo stuff.

Check it out.

Might end up being cool.

I just want to go home. It's the end of the year... and I just kinda need to get out of this place for a while. And it's been a while since i was home.

When all you see is the same 8 blocks and nothing else... except maybe a walmart... you kind get claustrophobic.

I just wanna be home with my friends and my room and everything (even if I am only going to be there for a few days).I didn't really get to spend much time with people over spring break and I really miss them.

I just really feel like I gotta get out of here and away from certain people.

Whoever thought it was a good idea to have a big group of girls live in the same place was seriously deranged.

2 weeks and 2 days and I am out of this place.

I can't wait to leave... I just... can't.

I want to go home I want to go to LA... I just want outta here.

This "city" is making me depressed.

I just want to pack up and get out of here for a while. When you've been in the same place for so long.... I donno. I just need a change of scenery.

And it's nothing in particular that is making me sad or anything. Really... things have been ok for the most part.

Maybe it's that it's been cold and rainy.

I donno.

I'm just counting down.

In exactly 1 month from today I will be leaving for LA.

Crazy.

It's amazing how 3 or 4 people can just ruin something that use to mean so much to you.

I don't know what to do.

I love most of my sister. Really I do. I love just being able to go downstairs and talk to them when I need them and know that they will support me.

But this stupid high school drama shit is really getting to me. Have we been the cause of some of it? Sure. But they have too and they won't admit. When we try to compromise and tell everyone to stop acting immature, they just keep it going and make it even worse.

...I've had about enough of it.

I don't want to leave. I don't. But this isn't good for me.

It's making me feel so unmotivated... it's eating up the little time I have....

I'm already quitting my job and considering making my second major a minor.

I don't know what to do.

I wish people would just stop.

Honestly I can't even go and throw something away or check my mail without walking away and hearing one of them whisper about how I only checked the mail so I could listen in on their conversation. Really? You're not that important. My life DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOUR STUOID ASS DRAMA.

Things HAVE to change... otherwise I'm gone.

[Basics]

1.Name
-Sammi

2.Age
-19

3.Hair Color
-brown

4.Eye Color
-brown

6.Height
-5'4''

7.Birthday
-4/25

[Favorites]

8.Movie
-Too many to pick just one.

9. Color
-Green

10. Physical Feature in others
-Eyes

11.Song
-Again... too many. But right now I rocking to Ben Folds.

12. Cartoon
-South Park

13.Actor
-Johnny Depp

14. Actress
-Maryle Streep

15. Quote
-"what if, do you really care right now?" -Eternal Sunshine

[Love]

16.Longest relationship
-3 months. Although I donno if I would call it a relationship. I was away at camp half the time anyways.

17.Single?
-Yeah

18.In Love?
-Not really.

19.When does love hurt?
-When someone doesn't love you back

20. When is love great?
-Wouldn't know.

21. Love at first sight?
-Maybe

22. One true love?
-I like to think there is someone for everyone. Kinda gives ya hope.

23.Hugs or kisses?
-Both.

[Today]

24.I feel...
-ok... a little lonely and more sober then I'd like to be. (It's st. patty's day... would like to be drunk!)

25.I saw...
-Hillary and Kayla! They rock.

26.I ate...
-Left over spaghetti and some cheese

27. I did...
-went to the dentist and shopped.

28.I watched...
-Some Colbert, the soup, Ghost hunters.... I was bored.

29.Most exciting thing...
-Shopping. Got more makeup... something I really needed.

30.Tomorrow I will...
-Hopefully spend the day finding a monologue... and fucking around with my new makeup.

[Last time you/ person you______]

31. Movie you saw
-The other day! The other boylne girl

32. Saw a movie with
-Hillary!

33. Cried
-Sunday. That last song in Les Mis gets me. But for reals cried? Probably a little over a month ago.

34.Were Happy
-Today!

35. Were sad
-Today.... I tend to fluctuate.

36. Last person you hugged
-My mom probably

37.Kissed
-Lee

38.Time you felt awkward
-Today... I am an awkward person what can I say?

39.Lied
-I donno. Probably today about some little thing.

40. Faked Sick
-Last year. I didn't want to go to this workshop thing.

41.Had sex
-.....

42. Sang
-Today in the car

43. Last person you had a fight with
-can't remember... I've been mad at people and called them out on shit. But full out fight? Not recently.

44.Last person you saw today
-My mommy

[Random]

45. Pet Peeve
-Being bombarded by lame you tube videos. If they're honestly and genuinely funny... ok. But having lame ones sent to you constantly is just annoying.

46.Drink?
-Yeah

47.Smoke?
-Cigarettes? No.

48.Pets?
-2 birds at home... 2 fish at school.

49.How's the weather?
-Cold... warmer then it's been though.

50.How old do you act?
-Most of the time I like like a 10 year old... and I love it.

51. LAST QUESTION! Pirates or Ninjas?
-Dude... ninjas. They are bad ass.

I'm home for spring break and it feels so damn good.

...going for a run (something I haven't really had time for since winter break). Yay!

Ok. So I know.

Unfortunately I had to do it online... but I needed to know.

I'm actually ok with it. I mean I am not going to lie I am sad, and it would have been super nice. But I'm ok. And I understand COMPLETELY where he's coming from.

... Honestly I don't want to be like a re-bound or anything, and I'm kinda afraid that that's what I would have been.

I'm fine.
And I am really glad I know.

I'm moving on.

Again I feel the need to be high school emo.

Checkidy check it yo!

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.


....Not quite sure which side of the line I'm on right now.

I just want to know. Even if it's not what I wanted... I just need to know where I stand so I can move forward or move on.

(btw I am not sad.... just frustrated at the moment).

I haven't updated in a while, so here I go!

My play is finished. It went really really really well. Sold out every performance.

Love life is kinda up in the air right now. I would like something to happen, but I am not sure how he feels. I mean I thought he liked me, but I haven't actually talked to him this week. So I am confused.

I spent V-day working...and having to watch all the cute and happy couples go get ice cream together. It made me sick.

Other then that not much is going on.

There is sorority drama, that unfortunately I have been dragged into. I really hate it.

I start my mid terms next week. I can't believe they are here already. Sucks.

It's national hangover day and I sure as hell celebrated. I started praying to the porcelain gods at about 5:00 am (after going to bed at 3) and didn't stop until about 9:30.... 10ish.

Why the fuck do I do this to myself?

Happy new years all!

Break went by way too fast.

enough said.

One week until I am home for winter break.

Thank God.

It's about damn time.

I has just been one if those weeks.

...and dear God it's only wed.

What makes it worse is that I know for a fact that it won't be over until at the very least next wed.

I am preparing for another sleepless week...

Here I go! Off to the land of FUCK!

The was a m=bunch of bitching and complaining here.... I don't think anyone really wants to ready that.

PLus I am really not looking for sympathy.

We all are busy and stressed... it's not just me.


I just need to sleep.

Back to homework.